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| From Facebook - the UK, I think |
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| Another great deer pic from Susan Coventry |
Below, the perfect illustration for a post about Editing:
EDITING EXAMPLES, Part 2
As an addendum to last week's Simple Fixes: this morning, as I wrote, a quote jumped into my mind—one I had no intention of using, but there it was . . . well, almost. BUT one cannot quote Shakespeare without getting it right. So I had to stop mid-sentence and google: "Henry V speech at Agincourt." And, of course, Wikipedia had it in full. Moral of this story: no matter how sure you are, check to make sure you've got a quote right.
Attribution of quotes? Sometimes you need to let readers know the source of a quote; others, as with Agincourt speech, are so famous I felt I only needed to mention Henry V, not Shakespeare.(I later changed my mind and mentioned Shakespeare. That's why Editing is not a one-time task.)
Another Quick Fix:
After registering with the gate-keeper, the three young women eagerly entered the narrow path between thick eight-foot walls of greenery, each determined to find her way to the center of the labyrinth without having to be rescued.
After registering with the gate-keeper, the three young women entered the narrow path between thick eight-foot walls of greenery. Despite the sun shining overhead, Isabelle felt an odd unease as the leafy walls closed around her. [changed to add a bit more atmosphere]
Continuing with Insertions rather than simple Substitutions . . .
1. Snapping back to the moment, the viscount paced across the hall to stand in front of Miss Bainbridge. "I beg your pardon, Miss Bainbridge, for intruding on your life with no warning . . ."
Snapping back to the moment, the viscount paced across the hall to stand in front of the slight young beauty who seemed to have wilted to the size of a child. "I beg your pardon, Miss Bainbridge, for intruding on your life with no warning . . ."
2. Clearly, she was spoiling for a fight. Isabelle hung her head. The fault was Papa's, the fault was Papa's. He, not Lord Ashton, had done this. But still . . .
Isabelle hung her head. The fault was Papa's, the fault was Papa's. He, not Lord Ashton, had done this. And yet . . .
Isabelle's satisfaction with the house's transformation turned grim. No matter how illogical, she doubted she could ever forgive Lord Ashton for gifting his brother with her house. [Juxtaposition & more depth]
3. Nothing could be settled until he gave his nod of acceptance. Hopefully, along with a word or two of praise before he deigned to reveal her fate. But should she accept his plans for her. . . . ?
And how horridly unfair that nothing could be settled until he gave his nod of acceptance. Yet in some convoluted twist of thought, she hoped for a word or two of praise before he deigned to reveal her fate. And when he did, should she accept his plans for her. . . . ? [Improved clarity]
4. A wounded warrior. A wealthy wounded warrior. Though for some mysterious reason, she felt not so much as as quiver of interest.
A wounded warrior. A wealthy wounded warrior. Though for some mysterious reason, Isabelle felt not so much as a quiver of interest. Had she lived such an isolated life that she could not experience the emotions of other young women? Or . . .
Not that! Isabelle exclaimed to herself as a vision of an arrogant but handsome face rose up before her. Ashton. The man who had destroyed her life. Never! [Will likely be revised again to something a bit less melodramatic, but a definite improvement over the bare bones of the original]
5. As Isabelle made her way toward the fountain, her attention was caught by the sight of Mrs. Chillworth—a somewhat plump woman of uncertain years who was seldom without a harried look upon her face, accompanied by the son whose oddity plagued her days. She never loosed her firm grip on her son's arm as she steered him, inexorably, toward the same goal as Isabelle's. Where, it was said, she insisted he drink not one, but two glasses each day in the belief that they might effect a magical cure for whatever ailed him. Not what a young man in his twenties could like, Isabelle acknowledged, as she noted the martyred expression upon his face. She could not help but feel sorry for him, even though she suspected it was he who had spied upon them in the maze.
As Isabelle made her way toward the fountain, her attention was caught by the sight of Mrs. Chillworth—a somewhat plump woman of uncertain years who was seldom without a harried look upon her face, accompanied by the son whose oddity plagued her days. A daily occurrence, according to Laetitia, for it was general knowledge, though spoken of only in whispers, that Hermione Chillworth had convinced herself that drinking not one, but two glasses each day might effect a magical cure for what ailed him. Not what a young man in his twenties could like, Isabelle acknowledged, as she noted the martyred expression upon his face. His mother never loosed her grip on her son's arm as she steered him, inexorably, toward the same goal as Isabelle's. She could not help but feel sorry for him, even though she still suspected it was he who had spied upon them in the maze. [better clarity, better phrasing]
6. Bath. She was going to live in Bath. Isabelle could scarce believe it.
Bath. She was going to live in Bath. Isabelle could scarce believe it.
He has found a way to keep you close, her inner voice warned.
Evil intent under the noses of his mama and grandmama? I think not! [use of inner voice to add emphasis]
7. Isabelle rushed to her side, helping her up from the sofa while Lady Ashton continued to glower. Together, they made their slow ascent of the stairs, while the rumors at the Pump Room, the arrival of Gordon, Lord Rutherford, and his nephew, and thoughts of He Who Should Be Scorned all too frequently thrust their way through Isabelle's compassion for her employer.
Isabelle rushed to her side, helping her up from the sofa while Lady Ashton glowered. Together, they made the slow ascent of the stairs, while the rumors at the Pump Room, the arrival of Lord Rutherford and his nephew, and inevitable thoughts of He Who Should Be Scorned thrust their way through Isabelle's compassion for her employer. How was it possible that one vague sighting—albeit by a young lady of the first stare—could set off such a spate of gossip? A pebble initiating ripples that threatened to become a tidal wave. And now, a disturbance in the serenity of Laura Place.
What next? [an addition to add color & emphasize the drama]
8. Extensive Revision. In one section of my fifteen chapters of revision, I basically tore apart two pages, hand-writing an insert that took up both sides of a legal page, and heavily revising the paragraphs that remained. Fortunately, this is a rare occurrence, but sometimes there is no easy fix; a change of word, a revised sentence or paragraph simply will not do. And tough as it is, you have to knuckle down and find a way to fix it.~ * ~
This week's featured book:
Two young people marry for reasons less than love, only to discover their false expectations plunge them into a steeplechase of misadventures, one coming close to ending their marriage before it's really begun.
Reviews:
"I had a great time reading this very engrossing and funny Regency Romance. . . . The author is very well versed with the era and its environs from London to Brighton, and the people and customs as well. This is the kind of Regency that I love to read." Maura, Coffee Time Romance
"This novel is filled with witty dialogue and plenty of amusing moments. I found myself laughing out loud several times. I especially loved the interactions between Sarah and Harlan and the interactions between them and their family and friends. This story left me feeling good." Christina, Romance Junkie Reviews
"I really loved this book. . . . [It] reminded me of why I started to read romance to begin with. Boy has to get married. Boy then ignores girl. Girl gets back at boy by being as outrageous as possible and leads him for a 'Steeplechase' with all kinds of obstacles in his way to get his attention. Boy realizes that, yes, he does love the girl! And a happy ending. Enjoy!" Karen, Ecatromance
~ * ~
Thanks for stopping by,
Grace (Blair Bancroft)
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