Grace's Mosaic Moments


Sunday, June 30, 2013

EDITING, Part 1 - Layering

Grace Note:  MGM Studio Portrait, c. 1944. Before getting down to Part 1of my new Editing series, I'd like to point out a photo (forwarded by my daughter with an identification request from the Portland Film Festival). After scribbling down and typing up the ID caption from the large framed copy of the photo I've had on the wall of three different houses over the last forty-some years, I added the Film Festival's digital photo to last week's Mosaic Moments several days after it was originally posted. The photo is strictly for film buffs and those who recall the great movies of the '40s, '50s, and early '60s. It's a formal portrait of MGM Studio greats, taken, as far as I can tell, near the end of WWII. If you're interested, keep arrowing down at the end of this post, past all my Historical Romances, and you'll find it.

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EDITING - Layering in information

At my very first writing conference - sponsored by The Romance Writers of America umpteen years ago in Orlando - I heard Tami Hoag describe her writing process and realized it was similar to my own.  I "wing" the initial draft of a chapter. In the back of my mind is a vague idea of what I want to accomplish and how I want to lead in to what happens next. But because I'm thinking ahead, intent on moving the story forward, I often skip, or give short shrift, to descriptions, explanations, motivations, and other things that add important points or color to the story. In my case, dialogue is always easy and seldom needs to change, but, oh, do I tend to cheat on the narration!

I'm not, of course, the only author with this approach to writing. (For example, Tami Hoag made it clear she does this too, and look how famous she became just a few years later!) I suspect, in fact, that almost all authors find they can do better the second or third time around. So you might want to take a look at some of the examples listed below.

All examples are from my current Work in Progress, Brides of Falconfell and will be re-edited several times more before being considered "finished."

Note: Serena is the first-person heroine in the excerpts below.

Example 1:


At least I thought not. But what did I know about such things beyond the on dits that were bandied about at every gathering of females? Poor Serena, who had no idea what it was like to break the rules.

At least I thought not. But what did I know about such things beyond the on dits that were bandied about at every gathering of females? Serena, sheltered daughter, sister, aunt, who had no idea what it was like to break the rules.

Example 2:

An eerie silence enveloped the morning; not even the customary rustle of the housemaids rekindling fires in the bedchambers could be heard. I'd swear even the birds had ceased to sing.

An eerie silence enveloped the morning; not even the customary rustle of the housemaids rekindling fires in the bedchambers could be heard. If the birds were indulging in their dawn chorus, not so much as a tweet penetrated Falconfell's thick walls.

Example 3:

"And then the footmen came to find us, for which I am grateful, I must admit. It's been a difficult week, my lord. My own tears were threatening to soak the ground."

"Violet's right," he said. "Helen's lips and fingertips were blue—they'd gone that way before she died. Gradually. I didn't even notice at first."

"And then the footmen came to find us, for which I am grateful, I must admit. It has been a difficult week, my lord. At that point I fear my own tears were threatening to soak the ground."

Silence stretched between us, though oddly not as awkward as it should have been between master and sometime governess.

"Violet is correct," he said at last. "Helen's lips and fingertips were blue—they'd gone that way before she died. Gradually. I didn't even notice at first."

Example 4:

"A temper tantrum, perhaps, or pure stage play. A plea for sympathy."

Not that I sympathized with her—she had ruined my wedding, after all. Nonetheless, could she not in that elevated state . . .?

"A temper tantrum, perhaps, or pure stage play. A plea for sympathy." 

Sympathy? Who on earth would sympathize with such a creature? She had ruined my wedding.

Nonetheless, whatever her motive, could she not have worked herself into such an abysmal state that . . .? 

Example 5: 

When I was properly dressed and hoping for a bit of toast and tea, I discovered a veritable sea of servants in need of reassurance.

When I was properly dressed, I went to the dining room in search of a bit of tea and toast, only to find the sideboard empty. I descended to the kitchen, where I discovered a veritable sea of servants in need of reassurance. 

Example 6:

And why had I skipped over Maud? She had her lucid moments but, all in all, there could be little doubt her sanity had slipped a cog or two. She might not have needed a valid reason to do away with Helen. Considering her an interloper might have been enough.

Wearily, I slipped out of the room and made my way to bed.

And why had I skipped over Maud? She had her lucid moments but, all in all, there could be little doubt her sanity had slipped a cog or two. She might not have needed a valid reason to do away with Helen. Considering her an interloper might have been enough.

Foolish creature!  More likely I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Building nightmares from the remark of a five-year-old. It must be something in the gloom of Falconfell that turned a head of sound common sense into a diabolical machine conjuring monsters out of the mist. And yet the very air we breathed seemed tense with secrets, with an eerie menacing mystery undeterred by brilliant splashes of spring flowers. Even the stream crashing down the mountainside and racing through the valley offered more danger than picturesque beauty.

When I had arrived, I embraced any household that included Thayne Hammersley. Now . . . suspicion licked at the edges of my good sense, and fear—probably totally unjustified—seemed to lurk around every corner. 

Idiot! I should be thoroughly ashamed of myself for allowing my mind to stray so far from reality.

Wearily, I slipped out of the room and made my way to bed.

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 I made numerous other adjustments to the chapter these excerpts came from, but the above best illustrate "layering." These examples are from a first edit, the edit I do at the end of each chapter. I go back every five chapters and read the whole section for continuity, as well as more "layering." And when the entire book is finished, I go back and edit the whole thing from top to bottom. If there are a lot of changes at this point - and naturally I hope there won't be - I type in the corrections and re-edit the whole blasted thing again.

This is how good books are made. With hard work and great attention to detail. Look at your work. Ask yourself: 

Have I described my characters? (In addition to physical descriptions of both primary and secondary characters, this can include looking inside the main characters' heads and showing us how their minds work.)

Have I used colorful narration as well as dialogue? Have I taken the easy way out, writing mostly dialogue? Or have I gotten inside my main characters' heads and used introspection (narration) to show readers how they really feel?

Have I explained why my characters did what they did? - preferably through their own thoughts.

Is the plot understandable? Or did you just put it into a synopsis and forget that readers never see the synopsis, that everything you want the reader to know must in the pages of the manuscript itself?  Or did you leave important plot points in your head, assuming your readers were mind readers?


Are there a more colorful words and/or expressions I could use to make my work more interesting?

I could go on and on, but I hope you get the gist of it by now.  Never settle for a first draft. Go over your work until you've made it sing. But, yes, you have to know when to stop. There comes a moment in every manuscript when perhaps a year from now you might be able to improve it, but right now, this is the best you can do. It's time to stop and send that baby out there. Whether you're submitting to an agent, an editor, or going indie, it's time to cut the apron strings and say goodbye. 


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Thanks for stopping by.

Grace 
 
More editing examples next week.
Arrow down to the end of last week's blog to find the MGM photo.

 

4 comments:

  1. Great examples, Grace. I do about the same thing, which is why I generally add about 20,000 words while I'm editing.

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  2. This is wonderful, Grace. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience. By the way, I look forward to reading the series. :)

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  3. Awesome information on editing, Grace. I loved looking at the old MGM picture. Most of these names I've seen on old movies on TV, but a few were familiar. What a treasure.
    *hugs*
    ~JD

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  4. Ladies, thanks for your comments. They are much appreciated.

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