EDITING EXAMPLES, Part 3

 On the day of Big Eclipse—far more fuss over this one than any other I can recall!—I played Couch Potato, viewing total eclipses across the continent via CNN, while outside, the Florida sun did not noticeably diminish. My son-in-law, however, managed an excellent photo of the eclipse over Central Florida, for which I'm grateful as I'd find it hard to believe, otherwise.

Eclipse, Sanford, FL - photo by Mike Reale

Cassidy - Military Ball, April 2024

 

 

 

Below, Riley moonlighting with the Citrus Singers, singing the National Anthem before a Women's Pro Volleyball game at UCF. (She "aged out" of the CS last year.)

Riley & Mom

It's been a while since we featured an English blooper—this one's a doozy!

 EDITING EXAMPLES, Part 3

 A few reminder notes:  I make it a practice to edit after every chapter, and again at the end of each five chapters:  1-5, 6-10, etc. And, yes, I edit hardcopy because that's what works for me. (This is not a "rule." To each his own method, as long as you buckle down and DO it.)

When I reach the end of a manuscript, I edit from Top to Bottom, not once but twice. And there will inevitably be a few more revisions as I format the manuscript for upload to Amazon and Draft2Digital (formerly Smashwords). Repeat:  a few gifted people get it right the first time round. Most of us don't. So accept you're not omnipotent, and EDIT THE BLASTED BOOK!

 

Below, for your amusement, one of my more heavily edited pages and the inserts written for it.

 EDITING EXAMPLES, up close

 Original:

The viscount chewed his last bite of bacon—a good deal more thoroughly than necessary, Isabelle thought as the temper she thought well-dampened flickered to life. "The constabulary is appalled," he offered at last. "The mayor and every ranking nobleman in Bath is in full cry, an emissary from the Archbishop expected at any moment. There are whispers of sending for a Bow Street Runner, but pride is a devilish thing, Miss Bainbridge. No one wishes to admit help from London is needed."

Revision:

The viscount remained silent, chewing a bite of bacon a good deal more thoroughly than Isabelle thought necessary. After what seemed like enough time to have masticated an entire side of bacon, he leaned back in his chair, looked her in the eye, and answered more candidly than Isabelle expected. “The constabulary is appalled, the mayor and every ranking nobleman in Bath  in full cry, an emissary from the Archbishop  expected at any moment. There are whispers of sending for a Bow Street Runner, but pride is devilish thing, Miss Bainbridge. No one wishes to admit help from London is needed.”

 Original:

It should have worked. The miserable girl should be dead, or wounded beyond saving. And there was a lesson to him. Never hire someone to do a task you should have done yourself. For now he was not only faced with carrying out the reckoning—an inevitability, hit or miss—but the necessity of devising another, more successful approach to the problem of Isabelle Bainbridge.

Revision:

It should have worked. The miserable chit should be dead, or wounded beyond saving. And there was a lesson to him. Never hire someone to do a task you should have done yourself. For now he was not only faced with the necessity of ridding himself of the bacon-brained blackguard who knew too much, but he must devise another, more successful approach to the problem of Isabelle Bainbridge.

 

Beginning a new chapter

I frequently slave over the opening of a new chapter. It really helps to get it right—to make sure you've made a smooth transition from the end of the last chapter, as well as an attention-grabbing introduction to the new chapter. While not forgetting to let the reader know how much time has passed since the end of the last chapter. Below is an example of how I revised the opening of Chapter 20 of The Abandoned Daughter.

Original:

The problem with being so firmly put in her place,  Isabelle grumbled to herself as she crept down the stairs the next morning, was that her infernal Bainbridge pride was balking at the thought of the humble pie she must eat in order to discover the answer to the question she should have asked last night. Instead of attacking him about the planned excursion to Sydney Gardens. . . .

Revision:                                         

Isabelle's laggard feet crept down the stairs the next morning, her infernal Bainbridge pride balking at the thought of eating humble pie before Lord High and Mighty Ashton. And all because she needed an answer to the question she should have asked last night, instead of attacking him about the inappropriate frivolity of an excursion to Sydney Gardens. . . .  

 

ADDING A MAJOR INSERT     

Never hesitate to play with your manuscript. See it as a reader, new to the story, might—someone looking for a touch of something you might not have thought important but which adds a note a great many readers may be looking for.

I tend to be more interested in the Action in my books than in the Romance. Therefore, if the interaction between my hero and heroine seems solely related to the Gothic plot, I sometimes have to catch myself, slow down, and write a scene that hints at a possible Happily Ever After ending (despite the fact that I've been doing my best to throw roadblocks in the poor couple's way for hundred pages or more). This can result in inserting a page or more into a chapter that was too heavily weighted with looming disaster. (Or in the case of other authors, the opposite might be true.) Keep in mind that you're not writing a Liam Neeson Thriller but the kind of story that needs contrasting moments, giving readers time to breathe. Moments of both Light & Dark, Action & Romance.

                          

ADDING A WHOLE SCENE

At the end of Chapter 24, I felt something was missing, a bit more intrigue needed. It should be noted that I never hesitate to use multiple POVs, something once considered a heinous crime by New York romance publishers, even though it was common to the works of one of Regency-writing's greatest shining lights, Georgette Heyer.

So I added a scene from an entirely new Point of View—from a well-known character, but one previously seen only through other people's eyes. Why did I do this so far into the book?

To answer that, I would have to give away the plot. Suffice it to say, that this character is important enough to be have his POV set down for readers to ponder. Is he a hero, a Red Herring, or . . . ?

I have a whole stack of Editing Examples at hand, but that's enough for now.

~ * ~

Hmm . . . the above calls for a Regency Gothic as this week's featured book. And I choose Shadows Over Greystoke Grange, a tale that has its own special way of inserting the hero's Point of View.

At eighteen, Adria Lovett can think only of making her come-out and finding the love of her life. Until, scant weeks before leaving for London, her world crumbles around her, pitching her into a situation shockingly contrary to anything she has ever known. And yet, far from London, Adria finds herself surrounded by a bevy of young men—though none of them what she envisioned when dreaming of her future. There is Dudley Greystoke, who should be Sir Dudley but is not; Chandler Satterthwaite, who has strayed far from the fold of his father, the vicar; the supposedly reliable Ned Steadman, son of the local squire; Garth Maddox, son of a gamekeeper, who calls himself Myrddin, the Welsh name for Merlin. And Drake Kincade, son of a wealthy merchant—the Drake Kincade, known to many as "the Devil's Spawn," who has fled to the country to escape a bride selected by his father. And then there is Dudley Greystoke's twin sister, Daphne, a young woman as willful as she is beautiful, who plunges Adria into the world of witchcraft—a world already complicated by a barrage of evil deeds ranging from nasty pranks to murder.

Grimoires, spells, devil-worship, rape, and murder—not at all the Season Adria dreamed of.

~ * ~

 

For a link to Blair's website, click here. 

 

Thanks for stopping by,

Grace (Blair Bancroft)