Grace's Mosaic Moments


Saturday, March 16, 2019

Editing Examples 2019

I love this pic from Facebook

Thursday morning's Orlando Sentinel had a photo of the principal and two teachers at Markham Middle School (Seminole County, FL) who had been "pie-ed" on "pi" day. The students who shoved a pie in each face—with the school's entire staff and student body looking on—were those who had memorized and recited the most digits of "pi" (121, 104, 76) Two hours later, I discovered the "76" person was my very own middle grandgirl, Riley! Seen below, just before "pie-ing" the school's principal.


Before . . .


After . . . (from the Sentinel website)




EDITING EXAMPLES - 2019

I've been posting Editing Examples off and on for the past eight years, but since my readership has nearly quadrupled in the past few years, I realized it was time for a few more. There are so many facets to editing your own work that I hope even those who have seen my earlier examples will find something new.

Naturally, my examples have to be taken from my own work. (Can you imagine having the chutzpah to point out the flaws in someone else's work?!) So please bear with these passages from my latest Historical Romance, which I'm tentatively calling, The Defiant Countess. The edits below are "second edits"; i.e., the second time I read through this chapter, looking for ways to make it better.

As noted in the past, some edits can be as small as a single word. Others can be the addition of a whole paragraph or more. (For others, it might be the deletion of a whole sentence or paragraph.)

From The Defiant Countess, Chapter 6:


1.  Original:
   To ride in a sleigh again . . . a sleigh speeding across sparkling snow behind three powerful horses . . . For that she could tolerate the miserable Kostya for an afternoon. For a few wavering moments, she considered forgiving him his many importunities.

Revision:
   To ride in a sleigh again . . . a sleigh speeding across sparkling snow behind three powerful horses . . . For that she could tolerate Kostya the Arrogant for an afternoon. In fact, for a few wavering moments, she considered forgiving him his many importunities.

The Why of It:
An example of minor changes which simply struck me as better.


2.  Original:
   The chatter the countess had heard proved true. Prince Konstantin's crested coach led a veritable parade of curricles, phaetons, and carriages of every description as they drove toward Richmond, fur blankets over their laps, warm bricks at their feet.

Revision:
   The chatter the countess had heard proved true. As they drove toward Richmond, fur blankets over their laps, warm bricks at their feet, Prince Konstantin's crested coach led a veritable parade of curricles, phaetons, and carriages of every description.


The Why of It:
Clarity. When I read it over, it was not clear who had fur blankets and warm bricks on their laps.

3.  Original:
   Hidden inside her fur muff, Dasha's hands squeezed so tightly together her fingers protested the pain. Think sleigh, the beauty of the day. Think of life before Kostya, before Misha. When there was no pain, no fear, no despair . . .
  Prince Konstantin's sleigh was waiting for them just inside the gate. . . .

Revision:
   Hidden inside her fur muff, Dasha's hands squeezed so tightly together her fingers protested the pain. Think sleigh, the beauty of the day. Think of life before Kostya, before Misha. When there was no pain, no fear, no despair . . .
   Once again, Dasha inched away from the prince. This time, instead of following, he thrust an arm around her shoulders and pulled her back.
   Idiot! Idiote! Idiotka!  Dasha maintained her silent chant in three languages through the few remaining miles to Richmond. She had wanted this, agreed to this; she would survive with dignity. But . . .
   Temptation, thy name is troika.
   Prince Konstantin's sleigh was waiting for them just inside the gate. . . .

The Why of It:
Primarily because the Transition from the carriage to Richmond Park was too abrupt. But while writing the transition paragraphs, I took the opportunity to add to the problem Dasha is having with the prince. (An early 19th c. "Me too" moment.)

4.  Original:
   Too late. The three blacks broke through the ice on a pond hidden beneath the snow, but not before their momentum had carried the sleigh and its passengers a good ways from shore. Dasha grabbed for something, anything . . . and found nothing. She plunged into an freezing maelstrom of frantic horses, tangled harness, whipping reins, sleigh-runners that could cut like a knife, and water thick with broken chunks of ice. Enveloped in fur, she couldn't move . . . she was going under . . .

Revision & Why:
  Changed "on" to "of" -  because I liked it better
  Deleted "had" and "and" - Less words in a tight situation = more active, more dramatic
  Corrected "an" to "a" - a typo


Summary.
Whether changing a single word or adding/deleting a whole paragraph, self-editing is essential to creating a polished manuscript. To repeat what I've said before: this is not an admonition solely for indie authors. If you are submitting to an agent or a publisher, you must put your best foot forward. If an editor or agent has two manuscripts of equal quality, and one requires only minimal editing, while the other will take hours of an editor's and copyeditor's time (and the publisher's money), which manuscript will be chosen?

'Nuff said. Edit, edit, edit!
 
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ADDITION to CONTEST

 

I have decided to include free books in my Ghosts of Rushton Court Contest, so in addition to the evening purse, the two winners may choose any two of my Amazon Kindle books (from c. 40 - I've lost track.)

For a link to the Contest questions, click here.

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For a link to Blair Bancroft's web site, click here.

For Blair's Facebook Author Page, with background info on
the writing of Ghosts, click here. 
 
For a brochure for Grace's Editing Service, Best Foot Forward,


email: editsbyBFF@aol.com 
 

Thanks for stopping by,
Grace  
    

 
 

 
  









1 comment:

  1. My own impudent edit, my own pet peeve: "fewer words in a tight situation." You can slap me tonight....

    ReplyDelete